Joseph kept these things and pondered them in his heart….

The
incarnation of our Lord lies at the heart of Christian faith. When the
arguments for and against virgin birth have been faithfully spoken and honestly
heard, there remains a residue of truth, a core of mystery not amenable to
explanation. A small part of that mystery is the faith of Mary who was able to
say, 'Be it done according to your will,' and the faith of Joseph prepared to
live with consequences he had no way of foreseeing. Clustered around the divine
miracle of annunciation and incarnation are a number of smaller miracles of
human trustfulness and openness to the coming of God. Perhaps we can be helped
in our appreciation of such miracles of faith if we do a little reverent prying
into the emotional rationale behind Joseph's reaction to Mary's own disturbing
annunciation.  

…………………………..

Joseph kept these things and pondered them in his heart…….

Every
time one of our old Rabbi's conducts a betrothal, or a wedding ceremony he
tells the joke about the angel who gives just one wish. He told it at our
betrothal reception, when Mary and I got engaged.

One
day a man did an act of great kindness. As a reward he is visited by an angel."
Heaven has sent me to reward you. Whatever you want done, heaven will
grant."  After thinking carefully
the man said " Build me a bridge  from
Jerusalem to Rome so I can visit my family  whenever I want to without going the long way
round."

"
Wait a blessed minute ", said the angel. "Have you any idea what that
costs?  Fifteen hundred miles of bridge! Even
angels have to stick to spending guide-lines and work within the constraints imposed
on the miracles budget. Choose something else. Give me another option. " The
man replied, " O.K. Help me to understand how a woman's mind works." After
much thought the angel asked, "How many lanes do you want on your
bridge?"

The
rabbi told it as a joke. But hard as I've tried, and long as I've thought, I
still don't understand the mind of Mary. What she thought, and what she felt about
what happened to her, and what it did to us. I didn't understand why Mary disappeared
for three months to visit her cousin Elizabeth. I didn't understand when she
came back and said she was three months pregnant.  I didn't understand when she said " I've
never been unfaithful.  The baby is God's
gift."

I
didn't understand why she, the woman, should be the one who got to decide on
the name. I couldn't believe her story about being visited by an angel, who
told her that, of all the women in the world, God had chosen her as his point
of entry into human affairs,  I didn't
understand, and I don't understand, in fact, I'll never understand how a virgin
can be pregnant.

What
I did understand, was that the Mary, who was promised to me, now belonged to
someone else. What I did understand, because I'm not just a man, I'm a just
man, was the need to protect Mary, from public shame and legal penalty.  What I did understand  was that our future stops here. No marriage! No
shared joy! No family! Just this unwanted pregnancy forcing us apart. And
what I did understand, and felt fully, unflinchingly, was the sense of
opportunity lost, grief
at the wasted possibilities, the certainty our dreams had ended.

But
the dreams weren't ended! I thought, just like the just, sensible, unimaginative
man I am, I
thought, I'll deal with this rationally, quietly divorce her, and get on with
my life. Still, before doing anything I decided to sleep on it!  But it wasn't a slumberland sleep. It was
restless, anxious sleep; my mind and body tossing and turning. in synchronised
uneasiness. Then through my confusion and hurt a shining clarity.  Interrupting my scheming and dreaming,  a voice, 
that shook my whole being awake. An angel, not like the one in the
rabbi's joke. He didn't ask  me what I
wanted more than anything. Not that it would have mattered.  I wanted the one thing I could no longer
have…Mary, uncomplicated, faithful, understandable Mary. Mary before all this
angels and God nonsense.

But
before I could think of what to say, the angel spoke. "Joseph, don't be afraid
to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the
Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son and you are to give him the name
Jesus."  I no longer doubted Mary. But
what it must have meant for her, what it does to a woman to have others
question her integrity as a woman,while
all the time she is being faithful to God by receiving the gift of the
Almighty. That I have not, cannot understand.

 I
don't understand how Mary, carried the burden of truth, that she would mother
God's son. I don't understand her openness to God, her obedient humility, or
her determined yes to the purposes of God. Like the child she carried, she
nurtured and nourished the truth of God's loving purposesfor
us and the whole world. I don't understand the ways of God, not even when
angels tell me.

In
my dream a deeper reality than I ever imagined had come close to me;  And in Mary, the deepest reality of all was
coming true. God coming close to the world in an inconceivable conception. God
with us, love made flesh, borne and born through Mary.

The
Rabbi's joke about bridges and a woman's mind? To unimaginative, rational
patronising men,perhaps
understanding a woman is miracle enough. But when it comes to bridges, through
the faithful intuition, the imaginative love, the trustful yes of a woman, God
built a far, far bigger bridge than a Jerusalem to Rome flyover.; the promised
bridge between heaven and earth, through the faith of a woman, and the birth of
a baby.  That's a miracle of love that
exceeds all budgets, and like much else in this story, I’ll never understand it.
 But I’ll sleep on it.