For a long time now we have registered our number to prevent cold-calls and the really annoying 6.00 p.m. invasion of privacy by tele-salespeople. Those faceless voices who say your name as if you were their next door neighbour and you speak on neighbourly terms every day.
But some still slip through. In the past couple of weeks I've had the offer of better deals on Gas, electricity, the central heating contract, and double glazing replacement. Tele-sales people have taken to the culture of switch your supplier as to a natural law, which allows them to assume everyone lives their lives pre-programmed to respond with a yes to the market mantras about saving you money and getting you the best deal; all you have to do is believe costs should reduce with the predictability of the law of gravity. Assumed customer greed is a great sales pitch. Undercutting the competition with introductory discounts, couched in hidden disclaimers and conditions, there is an assumption if they can get you talking, you'll soon chase after the too good to be true alternative deal.
So it comes as a surprise verging on shock when you cut in and say you are happy with the present supplier. "But we are offering a better value for money deal" is the early trump card. But what if you don't want to play energy switch whist – and the trump card is therefore irrelevant.
Obviously I (the slow on the uptake customer) didn't understand first time round – so paraphrased into words of one syllable, each word to be enunciated with conditioned patience for optimum effect.
"We – will – save- you – cash. This – phone – call – is – great news – for – you. Switch – to – us – now,- buy – from – us -, don't – be – daft -, you – will – have – more – to – spend – on – discretionary non-essentials and lifestyle peripherals"
Sorry the last phrase contains words of more than one syllable (and is a more literary paraphrase than the more to the point rejoinder, 'More to spend on yourself"). But what I am trying to convey here is the emotional and ethical distress of the tele-sales caller, encountering the non-greedy; the near incoherent disbelief verging on existential angst brought on by threatened worldview by someone who defies the "natural law" of market forces. How can the tele-sales caller explain this departure from a usually rock solid tele-sales script? And how can they deal with the low grade panic induced by the dawning realisation on one whose job is to sell stuff, that they are encountering a being from another planet where customer loyalty still counts, and where life has more important things to get energised about than a switch of energy supplier at someone else's not impartial behest.
Somewhere in the training course for tele-sales cold callers, there is a need for a seminar on "How to Deal with Customers Satisfied with the Service Offered by Your Market Competitiors", closely followed by another on "How to Deal With the Ungreedy". Then with a third honours level module "On Coping with Rejection Without Losing Face / Faith". In the meantime I treat such calls as ad hoc seminars on "How to be Courteous Through Gritted Teeth." Though I have wondered what might happen if I started to share my faith with such uninvited guests by quoting Jesus' words about the God who knows what I need before I even ask, and maybe doing a little tele-sales evangelism of my own…………….. :))
Leave a Reply