Poetry is a gift with words that take us to places beyond words. When poetry is written as letters from a far country, they can become life-saving  missives for those of us who must eventually travel there. When it comes to faith, God, sin, love, loss, suffering, hope, grief and much else that confirms our transience, poetry often brings clarification and consolation, providing description of what seemed to us indescribable.

The relations of poetry to theology, and of both to philosophy and science, have seldom been better configured than in the poems of R S Thomas. In a note on his poetry on my Faceboo page I wrote:

They are so sharp, combining theological precision with theological hesitation – for Thomas, faith is not certainty, and God is not to be encapsulated in our words nor reducible to our cleverly constructed concepts. But at the centre of these poems is the Cross, the question mark, worship offered through open lips and gritted teeth, and a man whose cantankerous complexity was the vehicle for some of the loveliest lines I know about love, and that great Love that "moves the sun and other stars."

During Lent I am reading through this volume of his later poems. The poems were likened by Denis Healey to Beethoven's later Quartets in their "fearless exploration of the mysteries of life and death." For years now I have listened to Thomas give  voice to profound uncertainty, hesitant faith, pessimism which stops this side of despair, the elusive miracle of human love which transcends the best of the human intellect to define, delimit or explain away. His exploration of the outer landscape gives him clues to the changing inner climates, the varied landscapes of the mind and the heart and the spirit – I'm not sure Thomas would bother much about the anomalies and theological perplexities of such a tripartite view of the inner life of any one of us. He could be acid and ascerbic about theologians.

So if Lent is a time for deep thinking; for stripping away illusion to better see what is, or is not, real; for re-aligning the loves of our life so that they nourish rather than devour each other; for facing the failures of faith, confronting bad faith, recovering good faith in God, and in ourselves and our sisters and brothers; then I know few guides more qualified to lead the mind, the heart and the Spirit through Lent and towards Calvary and beyond to resurrection.

Throughout Lent I'll post some meditations on these late poems, these late Quartets of the the Welsh composer who, like Beethoven, understood the De Profundis, and the Alleluia of those for whom faith comes hard, and is all the more cherished for thattruth.

For regular readers of Living Wittily apologies for the absence over the past week or two. There have been other fish to fry, other books to read, other places to be, people to meet, and things to get done with some urgency and determination. Of the things to be done the most 'need to get this done' obligation is all about pensions! It isn't so much difficult as serious when you are making decisions about the rest of your life, when a big chunk of it is already behind you! And the pensions adviser is asking the necessary hypotheticals about what happens if…..!

This February I will reach retiring age, which for me living in 21stC Scotland, is 65, while for many younger than me that dateline age is a receding horizon; my children may have to work till they are 70 before state pension age. Inevitably, and quite properly, such a life event as a retirement date prompts some serious reflection on what has been and what still might be, what has been done and what can still be achieved.

So here are some ordinary conclusions which have grown out of some thinking and praying, swithering and deciding about this quite remarkable gift which we are right to take for granted, life. To take something for granted is not to undervalue its reality, it is to receive it as a gift without spending life and energy feeling guilty about it. The proper response is gratitude, and the best gratitude is our joy in the gift and in the generous love of the Giver. 

Retirement is both an artificial label and a fiscal reality. I have no intention of stopping doing what I have done all my working life, though I may do less of it, and have more choice how long and how much. I preach, spend time with people in pastoral friendship, read and write sermons, teach and explore theology. Those choices of how much and hor often and how long I work are made possible by an income now unrelated to work done and hours contracted out.

Retirement from paid work is not retirement from vocation. Not everyone in our cultural climate would call what they do a vocation, a calling. But many do. And they are not just ministers of religion. Nurses, doctors, social workers, artists, teachers, IT specialists, pilots, fire service, police, naturalists, environmental officers – these are only some of the jobs that some of my friends would be just as passionate about as I am of being a minister. That's because they have a sense that what they do for money they don;t do just for the money. Unsurprisingly, that's also true of my own take on post 65 birthday.

Retirement is an opportunity to make different choices and enjoy new opportunities. By the time you're 65 the bumper wisdom that says "Life is short, eat your pudding first" takes on a poignant urgency. So these next years it makes sense to do what you really want to do; to spend time with those whose presence and gift of themselves is fundamental to who we are; to gather the goodness of each past year into an external drive for safekeeping, there to ponder the grace that gave each day, grateful and glad for just being there to live it; to kick the bucket that holds the list and just do the blessed list! Well, within limits. Because there are limits. I've little patience with the can do mentality that seems to ignore all the reasons, good and real reasons of life obligations and resources, that stop us living every dream. But there are liveable, realisable, affordable dreams that still demand risk, energy, effort and the courage to reach out and embrace them in all their possibility.

Retirement is not about me; it is about me in relation to others. I am also tired of the me, me, me, litany of life that pervades the social media like an unexamined credo of the self. My own happiness is not always the most important thing. What I think of myself is not always the best criterion for self-knowing, self-awareness and self-transformation. What I want is not a Christian categorical imperative if what I want is achievable only at the cost and loss it causes others. It is still the case that of all the ways of living our lives, young or old, "the greatest of these is love." If life till 65 means I am now a graduate in the skills and knowledge of living, then post retirement is post-graduate study, researching wider and deeper on the mystery and miracle of human beings and human being.

So now that the forms are filled, the advice is taken, the process of pension calculation hums away in the background, very little has changed or will change radically on my birthday. But if as Kirekegaard urged, life can only be understood backwards and lived forwards, then I am also persuaded of the wisdom of Dag Hammarskjold: For all that has been – Thank you. For all that is to come – Yes.

(The photo is a small central panel from the current tapestry I am working, "Eucharist and Pentecost". Tapestry is for me a contemplative form of art, or an artistic form of spirituality.

This got me thinking again about austerity. Even if austerity was justified as an economic policy, that still leaves questions about priorities, and the criteria for choosing and implementing these priorities, and the even more contentious issue of who gets a say in the decision making.

What gets me about this image circulating on Facebook is the astounding question behind that word if! As if there could be any doubt – music and art are the grammar of our emotions, the wings of the mind, the nutrients of the imagination, the tutors of the conscience and the proof and celebration of our humanity.

We need music and art education like we need a heart, a brain, emotion and thought; we need music and art education because we are human beings and these are two of the most developed gifts of and to our humanity; we need music and art education because inside every single one of us are strings and reeds that vibrate and voices that sing, the rhythms and cadences and melodies that make life dance, and weep, and love and leap; we need music and art education because there are pictures we dream and create out of the richly textured kaleidoscope of imagination, vision, longing and desiring that is the human hunger for meaning. 

The removal of music and art education from the classroom is not austerity, it is the removal of opportunity and resources for children and young people to discover the joy and discipline of beauty and harmony. Budget cuts may be necessary to balance the books, but the targeting of music and art education will condemn those same young lives to an austerity of the spirit, an impoverishment of imagination, a limitation of worldview and a constriction of the understanding that through music and art grows into wisdom, wonder, purpose and vocation.

A child learning to play the piano or guitar, a group of young people discovering the disciplined joy of choir and orchestra, guided by the conductor; a teenager with oil paint, brushes and canvas, or with clay and sculpting tool, mentored by a teacher who helps them to see, to really see; these are gifts we can provide for our children which make for a richer, expansive life in which the words 'maybe' and 'perhaps' and 'if only', are freed of their limiting power over the self that is each of these young lives.

Utilitarianism is, paradoxically a useful philosophy, a rule of thumb that fits many if not most substantial decisions we make. The greatest good of the greatest number. But the word also has that undertow of negativity when things are valued for their practical usefulness. Allied to economics it is fatal to those dimensions of human experience which have little market value, which are not crucial to our employability, and which we can live well enough without – until the inner ache of hunger reminds us of their absence. Music and art education are crucial strands of our cultural fabric. To reduce them to market barcodes, budget mathematics, and austerity targets is to apply the utilitarian criterion in its most negative and least valid form. 

If our school budgets cannot support adequate provision in music and art education that is an issue that ought to be placed way beyond the control and competence of budget number crunchers. Decisions made here affect the capacity of our culture to sustain and maintain a supply of creativity, discipline, confidence and ability sufficient to produce, enjoy and celebrate the intellectual, aesthetic, moral and cultural activities that are amongst our most human attributes.

Creator God, whose love and purpose for all your creation is blessing. We thank you for the gift of this wonderful, beautiful, place we call earth.

When we pray give us this day our daily bread, we are confessing our dependence on your mercy and the limits of our own strength and abilities. So our heavenly Father, we give thanks for all that has made our lives good – for food, shelter, home and the people we love and who love us.

Keep us grateful for what we have; generous in what we give; compassionate in our care for others; responsible in how we treat our world; careful not to waste the resources of our planet; and gentle with all those creatures who share our place on this earth.

This past week we have been reminded we can’t always control what happens. We pray especially today for those whose lives are in turmoil after the floods. Those whose homes are ruined; whose businesses are devastated; those now trying to salvage what they can, and find hope for these next weeks and months. In their despair bring hope; in their bewilderment give reassurance; in their fear and anxiety for tomorrow and coming days, comfort and strengthen them.

We thank you that no lives were lost despite the disaster; we thank you for all those who worked night and day to help those overwhelmed and in danger – our emergency services, council workers, volunteers, working together within the community for the sake of each other.

In coming days, when generosity and good planning will be needed, and when the real costs become known, give wisdom and courage to the local council, to our Government, and to those who provide the services to our communities. Help us as churches wherever and however we can, to be engaged in the work of supporting and helping, giving and caring; and if we don’t know how, give us the gumption to find out and to be responsive with whatever we can give and do.

Lord so much rain – yet remind us that you once taught us to notice that the rain falls on the righteous and the unrighteous, and that our Heavenly Father’s love falls upon our world with life giving gifts of refreshing grace, forgiving mercy and righteous peace. Make us then showers of blessing, streams of your mercy, conduits of your grace, and reservoirs of your love in Jesus Christ your son, in whose name we pray, Amen

That moment, when translucent energy tumbles forward

in the joyful rush for the shore;

That moment when the minutes, hours, and days of the past year

bring us to the cusp of something new;

That moment when with valid sadness and grateful gladness for what is behind,

we surrender to the impulse forward and welcome whatever is next;

That moment when an ocean seeks the shore, and a wave the sand,

and when a heart relinquishes what has been in order to embrace what might be;

That moment of silence dissolving into the liquid laughter of arrival

as wave and heart celebrate the turning of the tide.

That moment – yes, that moment.

"For all that has been, thank you; for all that is to be, Yes." (Dag Hammarskjold )

There was a time when I found a rant satisfying, a kind of cathartic putting right of the world, or at least a therapeutic binge of self expression that even if it didn't persuade others, made me feel better, a lot better. If I were to revert to the rant as default setting for responding to that which hurts, or is unfair, or untrue, or biased, or prejudiced or just plain annoying, then one of the frequent triggers for such a rant would be the debating strategy amongst evangelical Christians, of arguing a case, persuasively or otherwise, but finishing it with the claim that the view articulated is "biblical". The implication being that differing views are less biblical. It happens time and again in discussions about matters of controversy between Christians, from same gender marriage to pacifism, from sexual ethics to economic justice. More recently it has resurfaced about gendered approaches to ministry and the two main schools of complementarian and egalitarian. Judging by the way people are objectified in these arguments about abstract principles, cultural prejudices, theological preferences and, yes, biblical hermeneutics it might even be argued the arguments from both sidesa are dangerously utilitarian.

Ah, yes, that slippery soap in the bath phrase, biblical hermeneutics. The problem with using the word "biblical" as an exclusive truth claim is that by so doing all who disagree with the point being made are deemed to be less biblical, with a weaker view of the authority of Scripture, a willingness to accomodate error for the sake of contemporary relevance or cultural acceptability for a position held. So for example, those who hold a complementarian view of the role of women in relation to ministry and leadership, can quote chapter and verse from Paul, and argue plausibly Jesus only had male disciples, and find alternative translations of the name Junia in Romans 16 to show either that the name was male, or that her apellation as apostle meant something other than apostle in the full sense. On the other hand those who support an egalitarian approach to women's ministry will likewise quote chapter and verse, point out the crucial role of women as witnesses and disciples in the gospels, and celebrate Junia as a female apostle showing Paul meant no universal limitation on women's leadership. The debate is deeply and decisively influenced by biblical hermeneutics and the preferred approach to biblical interpretation.

Yes, I am egalitarian in my own view of the theology of women's ministry and I believe responsible and faithful exegesis and hermenetutic respect for the text of the New Testament lead to that view. But I will not claim that my view is "biblical" and those who think differently are unbiblical in their conclusions and hanging loose to the authority of Scripture in favour of their own prejudices bolstered by inadequate exegesis. Both sides of such a debate are at their best exploring the texts, discussing the issues, respecting the views of those who differ, acknowledging the faithfulness and seriousness with which each seeks the truth, weighs the evidence, and argues the case.

Yes, I think that the clarion call of the church's freedom in Galatians 3.28 and 5.1 affirm and assert with all the vigour of an angry apostle that in Christ there is neither male nor female. Full stop. But I recognise, and respect, others who read those verses differently, and I acknowledge they too are wrestling with the texts, seeking to be faithful to the biblical witness and obedient to the Scripture principle. It would be the height of arrogance and indeed a barrier to my own learning and obedience if I simply dismissed those who hold views contrary to mine as being "unbiblical".

So, yes, by all means let's debate and discuss, explore and argue, listen and speak, read and write, but in a spirit of openness not only to what others are saying, but to what God is saying to us through their words, ideas and insights. We may or may not be persuaded, we may think others are mistaken and we are right, we might even shake our heads that someone can't see the plain biblical truth that we claim to see. But that's the point at which I would urge those with such clarity, certainty and conviction to remember that it is the Holy Spirit's ministry to take the things of Christ and make them known. And that sometimes it is our own clarity, certainty and conviction that closes us to new truth, shuts off new ways of seeing things, because we have it all sussed, we have the exegetical conclusions nailed down, and our hermeneutical approach is the only game in town. Because we are "biblical" in our theology, for us the final authority is the Bible, as if that could not possibly be the case for others who read the same Bible, with the same faithful reverence and desired obedience, but who come to different conclusions.

By all means let us discuss the biblical arguments, the textual evidence, the hermeneutic principles, the theological implications of such shared learning in the school of Christ. But let us do so without claiming the word "biblical" for our own arguments, by implication disenfranchising others in whom, and through whom, within the community that is the Body of Christ, the Holy Spirit also works, and speaks, and moves us towards a deeper apprehension of what it means to follow faithfully after Christ. For myself, I have read and studied the Bible for half a century; my theology, ethics, spirituality and way of looking at and living in the world is decisively shaped by this book, its witness to Christ, and its application to my own life and heart by the Holy Spirit. I have learned that the Spirit of Christ is the Bible's best interpreter, and the communitry of Christ seeking to follow faithfully in the way of the cross is the best context within which to read, mark, learn and inwardly digest those Holy Scriptures given for our learning.

A Christmas poem from Wendell Berry.

For those jaded by the whole thing before it's even here

For those excited by the whole thing and can't wait till it's here

For each of us, longing to find again a way into a

future where peace on earth and goodwill to all peoples

is prayer, promise and possibility,

because of this Child.

REMEMBERING THAT IT HAPPENED ONCE…..

Remembering that it happened once,
We cannot turn away the thought,
As we go out, cold, to our barns
Toward the long night’s end, that we
Ourselves are living in the world
It happened in when it first happened,
That we ourselves, opening a stall
(A latch thrown open countless times
Before), might find them breathing there,
Foreknown: the Child bedded in straw,
The mother kneeling over Him,
The husband standing in belief
He scarcely can believe, in light
That lights them from no source we see,
An April morning’s light, the air
Around them joyful as a choir.
We stand with one hand on the door,
Looking into another world
That is this world, the pale daylight
Coming just as before, our chores
To do, the cattle all awake,
Our own frozen breath hanging
In front of us; and we are here
As we have never been before,
Sighted as not before, our place
Holy, although we knew it not.

The other day one of my friends who teaches in a Baptist College asked a question something like this, "If the three Magi could each bring you a gift for your ministry, what would you want?" There are some obvious, standard and boringly spiritual answers to that kind of question, and I wasn't in the mood to be any of those. So I replied, "Gold, mirth and thanks intense." Which when the phonetic puns are duly appreciated translates as money, laughter and gratitude. Now all joking aside at least two of those are pretty near what I would want, and once I;m allowed to explain, all three would do just fine.

Take gratitude, thanks intense. For 40 years I have been a Baptist minister. That's high mileage pastoral ministry, representing a long personal journey, and most of those miles in the company of other sojourners. On such a journey the full spectrum of human emotion is explored and the glorious diversity of human experiences enjoyed, endured and engaged. The word privilege is an honoured cliche that should not be devalued because of its overuse. The privilege is this; being invited to share in people's lives, and to accompany them in their walk with God through the valley of the shadow, across the wilderness, up the mountian, into the hospital, as guest at their weddings and dedications of families, in living rooms and coffee shops, each place made ordinary because we are ordinary folk, and each place made holy by the extraordinary faith that God walks with us. For a life spent doing this I am intensely thankful.

Or take laughter, that shoulder shaking mirth because life itself shows itself to be a joke. No not the cynical trick that disillusions and disappoints and laughs at hopes unfulfilled. But the loveability of people who know how and when to laugh; the odd coincidences that are either accidents of time and space or the Holy Spirit nudging us awake to see that life is surprise and gift. Not all of life is a big laugh; often enough there are tears, inner brokenness, loss that seems inconsolable, part of the journey we would rather not have had to make. But laughter, mirth, is a generous and gentle defiance of all that urges us towards despair, resignation and cyncism. Laughter is to see the joke, to trust the dawn, to pull back the curtains, to think new thoughts about life seen in a new way. There are few gifts  which enrich ministry more than laughter shared at the incongruity and wonder of how life turns out, or in, or outside in.

Take money. We all need it, and we'd prefer if we had enough of it. Christian ministry is not for entrepreneurs however much that word is (mis)used about ministries which are innovative, blessed with fruitfulness and scintillating with imagination. You don't go into ministry for the money; but it;s hard to stay there unless there is money enough to live and move and have your being in a community. I remember a stunning line in a good book about excellence in ministry: "The pastor is not the designated self-denier of the congreagtion." That seems to say most of what needs to be said. Enough to live, and to be free therefore to give energy and time to sharing the journey of the community through the journeys of its members. Such thoughts are quite urgent just now as I correspond about pension arrangements, being 65 in February.

So there they are – three gifts for ministry. I don't need to be given them. They are already enjoyed. And maybe when Epiphany comes, and we celebrate those ancient travellers following their star, it will be time to thank the One whom they looked for and found, that these same Magi have brought to me those same gifts, gold, mirth and thanks intense.